Family?

Have you ever had that feeling of meeting strangers?
The feeling of anxiousness and you are always concern about the things they say or do while you are present. That sense of awkwardness you feel, sometimes even uncomfortable being in a particular situation, but...is this what a person should feel whenever they are with their family?
Ermmm, of course not, like DUHH!
Your family grew with you, you live together, your family is what made you who you are standing in this world today, so in what context do you think you have the choice to even be uncomfortable with them. Moreover say that they are strangers?
If a person really say such things he or she must be categorised as an unfilial person, how can one say such to their flesh and blood?

I couldn't agree more, but somehow I need to deny it because I am in the category that thinks otherwise.....Why?
Well, in a person's life, we are not born with one family but two, we call them the mother's side and the father's side. Even if both families stay near to each other, there will be culture differences, there will also be a family where you meet more frequently, the family where you were being brought up with their culture and living attitudes, no doubt.
So, whenever you meet with the other family, at some point you will feel a slight distance as they are not the family you are used to be with, at least they are not the family who experienced all your worst times nor best times. Just a family you visit whenever there are any celebrations or festivals.
In some families, both families can be so close that everyone can mix and mingle so well, that is the best condition two families could be seen as, A Big Family.
But how many families can really be as such?

I do observe my cousin's family. *the cousin from my mother's side*
In my eyes, they are the One-Big-Family type, which is really good!
But, in everybody's heart, there must be something that we can't see, which is their feelings.
By chance, I got really close with my cousin, and sometimes when we have your lunch date or 'yumcha' session, we talk about our feelings. She said actually she have not visit her father's side for quite some time. I am a little surprise, cause they are that good big family to me, but in her heart, she would rather choose her boyfriend than to visit her father's family. I asked why, she said actually she had no choice, because both of them are now working and the only time she can meet with her boyfriend was on Saturdays. And her Sundays are given to her parents, its their family day.
I then understand, in everyone's heart, everything is given a level, some are meant to be higher than others. Some are meant to be left-a-side first if something more important is to be happening on the same day, and unfortunately, her father's side family day is to be on Saturday.......Well.....she is bad right? But if you want to take up something, you need to let go of some other things first, and this is what she did.
Sorry to say, but I will have to agree with her.

I myself is being placed in the same situation. Well, no, I don't have a boyfriend LOL
My situation is  one of my cousin * my father's side* always asks me the same question: Why do you not call back to ask about your grandmother and this family's situation? I stunned and answered, cause I am busy. He knew I was in my sem break, so he was thinking that I was just trying to fool him. But I am indeed busy, I am working, so yes I am busy.
Plus, making phone calls on a weekly basis is not something I practice, and at some extend, maybe I was just mad, because when I move to Taiping to live with my father's family, I was not given much chance to visit my mother's family which is in KL and my grandma is a breast cancer patient.
So, that most important few years of her life, I was in Taiping, and I guess the not-calling-others culture was bread since I went to Taiping since Form 1 as well. Why? Cause my mother's side are the ones that will call me as they knew then I was young and I am of course not able to pay for the phone bills.
Here is something ironic, I was scolded by one of my aunts in Taiping for making phone calls because I talk for too long. Well, since then I don't make calls, but it is okay, because I knew my family will call me. And the funny part is they now wants me to call back more frequently.
Since young I am not breed with this culture, and I am really forgetful, so sometimes I am really too busy to really remember about making a phone call.
My dad then say: Do you want your child to not make phone calls to you when you are old? Well, of course not. So why are you doing this to your family? It is not something you do whenever you remember, but something you NEED to do because it's your responsibility.
In fact, I do understand, but sometimes I was thinking, if we have a stronger bond, stuff like this shouldn't even be an ask-to-do task, but a oh-I-miss-them phone call. But not being close is nobody's fault, not being brought up in that family is also no one's fault. Cause I do appreciate my father's family, especially my grandmother, she is really a cute, awesome and hardworking woman. I am very comfortable when I am with her, but at some point, it is different. I myself can't fully explain why, its just a feeling I have, the feeling of not being super duper close I guess? I don't know......
And now, because I am not doing what my father's side think I should I am wrong, they think its wrong because this is the family they have strong connections with, so not doing so is of course unfilial. I agree that I am wrong actually, but not unfilial.

I don't recall not making phone calls as an unfilial act actually, is it an unfilial act? I do wonder.
Actually rather than saying I am unfilial, I would say I am just practising a different culture comparing to them.
I told my brother about my thoughts, he agrees but tells me something and asks me to think about it, he said: You feel that you are not wrong or unfilial, because in your heart, you are not that kind of person right? But it is in your heart, how would the others know that you aren't that kind of person. And if you want others to stop thinking that you are unfilial or bad, act it out rather than keeping it in your heart where no one is able to see it.
You guessed it, I am really in a dilemma now. I know I am not wrong, but am I? Should I really change? He then continued: I know you want to be yourself, but is there any good from there? Sometimes why not just go with the flow, not asking you to change, but just do something that is good to both parties. If making phone calls is really something you can't seem to remember, do something else in exchange. Like me, I don't call too, but when I have break, I go back, so why didn't you go back last holiday? Me: Cause I am working, when I am not I do visit okay! Just because I did not went back during my ONE past break I am bad? My brother: Nope, but you should call them right? Me: I know I should not say this but....I forgotten. I started my work before my exam even ended, so I need to concern about both my exam and my work. A lot might think I am making excuses, but I really forgotten. Not on purpose but forgotten, for real!

Family; Home.
To me, a place where I can be comfortable and be myself, and if I need to follow their expectation and get bad feedbacks on not meeting them, how am I able to be comfortable?
I respect them, the only thing I hope to get back is being respected too. Or at least to be able to feel comfortable. And if I could not get that, how am I suppose to call that place home? How am I able to LOVE going back there?
Any advice? But I guess the advice would just be asking me to chance huh? Or even telling me to not be such an unfilial person.....well, maybe I really am, although I don't believe so.

Love towards a family comes from the heart. Too much flowery acts sometimes just makes you a fake person, I have my beliefs.
I will go with my beliefs for now, but I don't hate change.
So yeah, am going back this weekend. Well, actually I go back a lot compared to the years when I am still in Taiping, I don't come back to KL that often........only during long school holidays, even one week holidays I am not able to come back, because my dad said its troublesome....?!
Well, not trying to seek for fairness, cause I know there's no such thing? So why compare?
Just excuses to hold my ground I guess......>< LOL


Written On

31 July 2015

Are you Happy?

Are you Happy?

Everything has three sides.

First, the good side, so the next side...well, you guessed it, the bad side. How about the third side? I say the unknown.

But isn't there only two sides, being happy and being sad, you can also call it the black and white, its really that simple. Or not...?

I guess no, there is always this grey area in everything, no matter you are happy or sad, there is still the centre point where you just can't make sense of what you feel and certainly unable to translate those 'I think I feel happy/sad' into our 'feelings', because you simply don't understand what sort of feelings are you having at that moment. So I guess calling it the unknown is quite suitable huh!

Actually what I am trying to say is about the Ferris Wheel and Tears.

Many people say the Ferris Wheel meant happiness, love, dreams and many more positive things, but is it so?

To me, the Ferris Wheel meant more than that, other than all those happy things, we seems to forget that the Ferris Wheel has ups and downs. Yes, downs.

When the Ferris Wheel gets up high in the air, it meant happiness, but when it comes down, it just simply meant otherwise. The Ferris Wheel is the reflection to life, just like our life, we have ups and downs, and when there is ups, we feel happy, when it reaches the ground, it meant sadness, but how about when the Ferris Wheel is in the middle? That is when you can neither see the view from up top or the clear view of the ground, and most people are in this centre part where they don't know what to feel anymore? Because they are numb towards living or towards sadness that they learn to bare with it rather than express it, and the unknown part widens. And at some point, you might even lost yourself.

The Ferris Wheel, when you look up, you feel small because of its size, and of course you feel amazed by it, cause it really gives out the happy vibe, the vibe that comforts you, but try observing it going round and round and round. Can you see your life reflecting in the Ferris Wheel? Can you see yourself smiling while the Ferris Wheel reflects yourself?
If you can't, then.....Are you Happy?

Tears, well, its tears so it must be categorised at the sad part...right?

Because while the surface of tears meant sadness, hardships or anything that stands for negativity. These are the time we can totally relate with tears, cause its something that only produces if you are sad.

This I can't argue, because when you are sad, you cry. Its' how people function, no doubt there.

But does tears meant the sad part, the black part? Does it have no centre point? The 'unknown'?

Tears can also be found when your are happy right? When you are touched, when you laugh so much that your tears come out and many other situations that cause you to cry from happiness.

This is already so common that I am not going to touch this part, because like the Ferris Wheel, it has different interpretations and meanings.

To me, personally I am super emotional that I get sad in a split second. Well, girls and their emotions LOL

I guess there is no unknown part here? Well, in fact there is.

Tears to me is a symbol of de-stress and is also the pathway to reduce sadness.

Yeah, I cry a lot. As what I have mentioned, you cry when you are sad, similarly you cry when you have stress, so here, it meant the 'black' part I guess.

So where is the unknown? Actually in the process of crying, your analogue button opens. It's most probably the time where you talk to yourself the most. It's the part where you are given a chance to rediscover yourself.

Throughout the process, you feel as you are nothing, so useless that you aren't worth anything. And this is when the unknown part comes in.

You will find yourself and somehow get yourself back on track, you will know what is needed to be done, you will know what words are to be said and what words are to be best if stayed secret. You find yourself.

Everytime when you are sad, you loose a piece of yourself. So it kinda make sense, cause loosing yourself is painful and sad.

So, after finding yourself, you are whole again.

It is when I can say I am Happy, not because of looking at something that meant happiness, but to seek happiness from sadness and regain yourself. The adventure you will go on sometimes to make sure that our 'me' and 'I' get back as one again.

That is what true happiness means to me, not because of someone telling me to be happy or not being of any influences by the outside world, but only you and yourself talking, trying to find the balance of yourself.
Cause the society is too fake and everyone is masked up, armed up just for the sake of being what people expected and not what you wanted yourself to be.

Loosing yourself is really scary, so if your are able to find yourself again and make yourself whole, I would want to ask you the same question again from the beginning.....

Are You Happy?

Written On

26 July 2015

APA Referencing

Byford, J. (n.d.). Ferris wheel [ big wheel ] at bottons in Skegness. Image Retrieved from Skegness In Picture: http://www.skegness.org.uk/pages/album/big-wheel.html

Hunter, C. K. (2011, August 24). Travel Tears: In-Flight Entertainment Abounds. Image Retrieved from Smart Meetings: http://www.smartmeetings.com/news/travel/62585/travel-tears

Are We So Easily Influenced?

A Cinderella Story, one of my favourite movies.
Although this is a old movie, and even if I have watched it for more than a thousand times, I cried everytime because it is just too close to reality. Movies are usually non-fiction but this is just so me I guess.
I use freak out whenever I am given the chance to do the things I liked, because I care about other people's opinion and if I get any feedback saying 'No' 'Its Bad', I don't do it no matter how much I wanted to.
But since I watched this movie, this quote keeps running around my mind and it acts as my alarm whenever I freak out at anything.
Well, okay. I won't say I am not freaking out anymore, and unfortunately I still freaked out a lot, I think too much about the right and wrong and ended up not doing it cause I am too negative. But if I am able to think about this quote, it really boosts up my confidence level, and whenever I think about this quote, I think about the movie as well.
Yes, other than this quote, the whole movie contains a lot of inspirational words and actions that an individual should have.

First is to be true yourself no matter what circumstances.
Work hard and live up to your life.
Family is not only those that are blood-related to you but those that stand by your side whenever you need them.
Never give up even when it seems like you are loosing.
Last but not least, to be positive, because sometimes fairy-tales do happen; especially when you are not aware of it.

People nowadays, especially young teens, they have confidence and everything an individual needs to survive, but not a sense of grateful was to be seen. I really do wonder why this happened, is this what society has taught them? Has our society change this drastic to have such different perspectives towards good behaviour and attitudes?
Once I remember a post on FaceBook, a 12 year old girl commited suicide because her grades flop, she died. A few days later, another girl commited suicide again because of her grades as well, this time, she got lucky cause she only had a fracture in her arm. And when these teens are not commenting suicide, they are doing sex tapes or taking nude pictures of themselves.
Arghhh, what has happened?

Is it the lack of education? Nope. Is it the lack of interest given by their parents? Well, I guess this is kinda like the main reason huh? Or the influence of Western or Korean cultures? Actually I find this reason vague and pointless.
Cause aren't your every thought suppose to be generated by you yourself? These teens have the brains to tell their parent to not mind their business cause they TOTALLY know what they are doing and not filter what is good or bad about the information they are exposed to? Isn't it funny?
Unfortunately, the teens nowadays are way too confident therefore they think what they know or believe is the only Right rule that should be followed......Hmmmm, I do wonder about the education system now. Cause I don't recall having the slightest contact with any sort of education as such though LOL

Like I said, a lot think its because of the bad influences from the Western and Korean culture, but to me I don't think its a problem with exposure to these cultures and sometimes, its even a good thing being exposed to another culture.
First, it is you yourself that decides what to believe or what to follow, if you decide to follow the bad stuff, then it is therefore your choice. But if one is being brought up with a healthy mindset, how can they be so easily influenced by these bad influences?
So, how is the unhealthy mindset built? Don't say environments, cause its again absurd as a whole lot of people who grew in a poor family or with abusive parents turned out fine but not those who were brought up in a good environment? So this point is not a fact but a thought.
Second, bad parenting or influence by peers or friends.
Okay, come on. It is not right for parents to be consistently working until their child feels neglected, but I myself grew up from a divorced family, both my parents are busy working, I barely have time to talk to my mother then and everytime I talk to my father, our conversations leads to a fight, and I can say, it ends up really bad.
So I don't agree that growing up with parents' attention are the main reasons that caused this, as relationships can be easily changed by communicating and that is how me and my parents are now.
As for peers or friends, I believe they make a bigger impact to the thoughts of teens now, cause it seems that teens now tend to believe what their friends say and will act as such too because they want to blend in to the groups. But again, these aren't small kids that are not able to analyse, their brain cells are fully developed and is capable of doing the job we known as 'thinking'.

So where is the problem now?
Environment? Education? Family? Friends? Background? Ethnics? Cultures? Or THEMSELVES?
I do wonder.......LOL

Just like the quote, "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game".
Yes, no one should be afraid of not being able to fit in or not able to reach your goals, we are humans, we are able to make mistakes and admit we are sometimes wrong or slightly off track. But remember, never be scared of reality or loosing because its the process that really matters.
Have fun and be yourself.
Then, it will be impossible for you to be easily influenced by things that are wrong or bad. Stay strong to your own beliefs and have faith in yourself.
I am not a Christian, but hold on, cause God knows what he is doing.


Written On

19 July 2015


APA Referencing

Rosman, M. (Director). (2004). A Cinderella Story [Motion Picture]. 

Emptiness.......

What is emptiness?
Well, some say love, some say family, but to me, I say friends.

Yeah, a lot can't understand why, but friends are a very important aspect in my life.
Because friends are the ones that reflects who you are, cause the same characteristics attract the same people, so of there are no friends, who is there to portray who you are anymore?

This is quote, and it totally explains what an empty friendship feels like.......
Recently, I have this particular feeling towards my ex-college mates, we use to be so close that we are able to share everything and I mean EVERYTHING.
Well, now, its totally different.
Just because of the time we have not been able to meet up and share our thoughts made us so far apart that you can now feel the gap in between.

Although this is the process of life but it is so unfair for a human being to feel so many departures in one lifetime.
First there is the departure with our family members, no matter moving out from our home or loved ones passing away. Second, the departure of the ones we thought made us complete, our lovers. Love made two strangers so close but still could not have a happy ending therefore parting has been the only ending to some unfortunate relationships. Then there are departure from friends, the ones we believe have connections the most, from the heart or soul.
Friends are the people that not only give you inspiration, but entertainment, love, care, support and any form of happiness or support you could ever imagine of. So, having such emptiness now really makes my emotions down and somehow its been hard to had a real smile even.
Well, you can say I am too sentimental, and I don't deny it at all. Cause of being sentimental, I have friends that really had that soulmate-relationship, I am so lucky to have find those people but now, I feel unfortunate as well because mentally to me, I feel like I have lost them.
My mental support team has gone and what left feels like an empty human-shell walking as if I have no emotions or to say have forgotten what do emotions felt like. Have lost the ability to feel I guess.... :(

When does this feelings feel most real?
Well, a lot might say: It's when you see them sharing photos of new friends, new places, new clothes you have never seen, new people, new everything but without you there.
Yes, this is really sad, but to me, the time you feel the particular feeling is when you see them sharing the same photos that we use to make fun about, but this time tagging same bunch of people but sharing jokes that you don't understand. Visiting the place you use to go together but this time you are not there with them, wearing the clothes you use to call our looks but this time its with other people, spending time with the people you all call friends but you aren't one of them.
This to me is the most heartbreaking. And now with all the technology, its impossible to avoid seeing those moments of them without you there.
Well, of course. One can say: Ahhhhhhh they are still the same you are just over thinking. I agree, but the truth strikes when the awkward feeling starts to show whenever you see their post on FaceBook or Instagram, it is then you know the invisible wall is starting to build and it is getting more and more solid as the day goes by.

Sometimes you still try to reach out, because its the only chance you have....you tried to comment on their posts, you try to Whatsapp them...but when you get no replies, the only feeling felt are emptiness.
A lot say it is time when you learn to move on, but why do we need to ever feel anything like this? Isn't it unfair? Why should life be so much sadness?

Okay. The life-talk comes in now......

The only thing that makes life interesting is when there are combinations of feeling and experience, yes I know. I always did, but its still hard for me to digest this.....
Only time can make it fade....I guess?


Written On

12 July 2015


APA Referencing:

lovely.poem. (2015, June). Image Retrieved from Instagram:
https://instagram.com/p/3OtlfDhy87/ 

Is The Missing Link still Missing?

A lot might ask, what is the missing link?
Some might say, the missing link are creatures we all call Aliens, Big Foot or any of those mystic creatures we believed existed.
BUT.....Are they The Missing Link?
To me, the missing link is non of those mystic being above but you yourself. YES, you are the missing link.

Why?

Well, the missing links are those that we all have not seen before but thought its always there. The missing link are those that we want to learn more about. The missing link is so huge so incredible that it can go anywhere and be anything.
So, aren't those statements stated make you relate to your mind, your brain, your imagination?
Your mind is always there but you could never see it.
Your brain is one of the organs that scientists want to learn more about.
And last but not least, your imagination is so huge so incredible that it can put you anywhere and be anything.
Without us giving meaning to the research and studies, 'The Missing Link' would not even exist.
We are the creators of the missing link, therefore we are the link.

Why did I have this crazy thought?
A few days ago I saw a documentary showing the old Chinese palace, The Forbidden City - 紫禁城.

The Forbidden City - 紫禁城

It documented the roads China's past emperors used to step on, rooms the past king and queens used to live in, gardens and parks the people living in the palace use to discuss business or gossip about the other imperial concubines.
It is truly amazing!

It then continued with a story of the emperors mother, Empress Lee - 李太后 also known as Empress Xiao Ding - 孝定太后.

Empress Xiao Ding - 孝定太后

She use to be a servant, but the king was so into her that he got intimate with her despite the other concubines he already had.
Then, she got pregnant and she was immediately promoted as an imperial concubine. After a decade, the king passed away and Imperial Concubine Lee's son was ask to be prince, and she got the title of 'Empress'.
Although she is the empress, she was not getting the respect she should be given due to her background of being a servant.
But she was so cleaver that she told everyone she dreamt about herself being the Nine Lotus Buddha - 九蓮菩薩 and she built a temple to worship the Buddha she 'dreamt' herself to become.

Pagoda of Ci Shou Temple - 慈壽寺塔

After that, people changed, as China is a superstitious country so people do not dare to challenge her, as she is then known as the living god.

I was inspired, and thought ‘WOW! She is awesome! I would want to be her no doubt'.

Then this is when I had the idea about us being the missing link.
Because of us giving meaning to the past, we have now able to trace back to those historical days and connect ourselves to the past.
Because we are able to imagine, we can be in both the past and the present.
If one is crazy enough, you can be in the past and the future. Those are the people like J.K Rowling, Steven Spielberg, James Cameron and more talented talented writers, directors, producers and anyone of you who are brave enough to explore your mind and have the adventure you always wanted with your eyes closed.
Like the Harry Potter series, Jurassic World, The Avatar and many more...these are creations of those who linked their mind and imagination to the past and the future using present technology and expressed it successfully through written words or movies.
We, then put ourselves into the situation and gave meaning to it by linking ourselves to the past and future as well.

But some say, histories make the present, and the missing links are those that makes the future. So how can we be THE missing link?
Try thinking it this way, because the missing link is no longer ‘missing', so it ain't the missing link any-more, its just The Link.
And aren't we suppose to be the link to the future? Aren't we making the future now?
Hence, if the link is to create future and we ARE indeed creating a future, what are we?...

Written On

27 June 2015


APA Referencing

(2015, May 11). Retrieved from Wikipedia: https://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E5%AD%9D%E5%AE%9A%E5%A4%AA%E5%90%8E#/media/File:China%27s_Ming_Dynasty_Empress_Xiaoding.jpg

寒冰冰. (2010, November 4). blog_寒冰冰的个人空间. Retrieved from 中國網專家博客: http://blog.china.com.cn/blog-1236268-271458.html

馆长秘书. (2010, October 10). 馆长秘书的博客. Retrieved from 新浪博客: http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_540ddbc401016pe6.html

Love Inspires

What is cancer? I guess everyone would be thinking about deaths, severe diseases and such, but to me, its different.
Why? Well, of course its not because of Cancer itself, but because of a Cancer victim who I will remember for the rest of my life. She, is my Grandmother.

She is such an incredible women, she fought with cancer like it was nothing;
She gone through a lot of pain but still manage to bare with it, as according to the doctors, cancer is a very painful sickness. Cancer patients usually screams and shouts a lot because even with Morphines, the pain is still extremely over the top.
Even the doctor was in awe, he told us he never saw a patient that can bare with so much of pain and still managed to smile and talk when we are in the ward.
But she always asked us to visit her less because the travel distance form our home is not near, but now I knew what is the REAL reason behind. It is because she was in too much pain but do not want us to worry so much so she acted that she was feeling okay.
Because of this, I learnt to be strong. Cause we easily feel defeated especially when we are in a bad situation. I use to be that kind of people too. But I changed.
How can you feel bad or defeated when there is someone being this positive and caring at the same time and is facing something so bad that it will unfortunately take your life away from you.

Although it has been years since her death, but sometimes when I close my eyes and think of her, it feels like she is still here with me. Like she never really left.
I still remember the night before she passed away, she was discharged from the hospital, but she couldn't breath so there is a breathing tank for her.
With her condition, she could not stand one minute without the help from the tank.
But the most amazing thing happened, as when she reach home, she needs to discharge from the tank as she needs to walk from the car to the house. Other than the breathing, she isn't suppose to be able to even walk! But because she is that amazing, she not only walked, but walked without the breathing tank!
She is so sick, but she still manage to do such amazing things that sometimes a normal sick person is unable to do.
So, no healthy person has the rights to end their life or even say things that are negative. Cause she, who has both Breast and Lung cancer did not give up how can you?

When she is in the house, she saw me and my brother. She was so happy and excited at the same time!
Cause we study in Taiping (A small place in Perak) for our secondary studies, so we have not much time together, especially when she diagnosed with Breast Cancer.
We were very close cause we are raised in Kuala Lumpur and she is the one that brought us up.

I remember her sitting on the bamboo chair, and I was sitting next to her, she called my name, she smiled and she took my hand! She has not much strength left because she just walked and she still looked pale and tired a second ago, but not when she saw us.
But what made me so happy and sad at the same moment was when she saw my brother and she literally sat up and took my brother's hand. Yes, she sat up. How did she manage to do it is so incredible!
Although you might say its a miracle, but I believe she is the one that gave all her strength just to hold my brother's hand.
She is so ill, but because of love, she did a lot of things that sometimes cannot be done by a normal person. She is such an inspiration to me.

She thought me how to be positive and stay positive even when you are not in good conditions,
She thought me to be strong no matter what and to be someone else's source of happiness, cause when life knocks you down you can choose to fall or get back up.

Until now, I still cries whenever I think of her.
Even when I am writing this post, I shed a few tears when I recall memories of her.

Be the one that gives less worries to others, be the one that gives others strength to move on.
Be just like her, this remarkable women; My Lovely Grandmother.

To me, lessons are those that will stay inside our mind no matter how much time has passed.
To me, inspiration are those that will keep you MOTIVATED and 'ALIVE' even if they are not here anymore.
To me, this is beyond inspiration. THIS IS LOVE, because love is the only thing that can be always there even when they aren't there. Love is the only thing that will keep reminding us about things, memories, lessons, and of course them.

Love is Inspiration. Love is Infinite.


Written On

21 June 2015

FT Island is Life

I guess everyone has that one thing that is there to inspire them. Music; Movies; A Person; Literally anything in the universe can be ones inspiration. As for me, its through Music.

Not just any music, but FT Island's music! Because of them, I now see music as life, my source of energy. Yes! They are FT Island.

And I guess you are curious to know who are they? Well, they are a Korean Rock Band consists of 5 members! (A lot might think: Arghh! Not K-pop again. Well, they are Koreans but no, this ain't k-pop, this is Music!)

에프티 아일랜드 (FT Island)

Intro from Right to Left

최종훈 (Choi Jong Hoon)

♥ Leader
♥ Guitarist and Pianist
♥ Composer and Lyricist
♥ Actor

이홍기 (Lee Hong Ki)

♥ Lead Vocalist
♥ Composer and Lyricist
♥ Actor
♥ SkullHong's Creative Director (Fashion Brand)

최민환 (Choi Min Hwan)

♥ Drummer
♥ Composer and Lyricist
♥ YouTube TV Host

이재진 (Lee Jae Jin)

♥ Vocalist
♥ Bassist
♥ Composer and Lyricist
♥ Actor

송승현 (Song Seung Hoon)

♥ Vocalist
♥ Guitarist
♥ Composer and Lyricist
♥ Actor

FT Island have struggled for 8 years and all they wanted was to produce their own music! Those 8 years aren't all good moments, they succeed, they fall, they were controlled, they are ignored, they are neglected and they got back up every single time!
And now, they are Back! STRONGER than ever, doing the music they love and have always wanted! Although their company is not giving the support they should, but FT will not give up!

Reporters asked why "I Will"? Hong Ki (Lead Vocalist) said: 'It was actually named "We Will" but we decided to change to "I Will" because we want our fans and those who listen to the album to fulfil their dreams as well.'
If you already know them please continue to support them, if you don't, please give them a chance to show you what they are capable of! You might not feel anything but you might also feel otherwise!
Music has no limits, and language is certainly not a barrier. You might not be crazy in love but, who knows the result might surprise you as well.
You may fall for them without you even noticing! That, is the power of REAL MUSIC! ♥

I have been into FT Island's music for 4 years and their music is still touching my soul as I first started loving them. This is the most incredible feelings I got from music, a lot might think I am childish for liking a Korean Band and I can't deny that actually.
Cause I am really strict when it comes to FT Island, I will not listen to their music (new songs especially) if I am not able to listen to it peacefully or not being able to enjoy every single note the band played or sung. I also can't stand other people giving false accusations about them without knowing who they are. So, I guess I am that protective when it comes to FT Island.

I remembered a line from a recent drama call Prince of Prince (Jong Hoon's new short drama), it says:
"To every single person, there must be something so precious to themselves that others might not understand why. And because it is so meaningful and precious to you, you wouldn't want other people to know its existence.
Then later on, you would be afraid that people might misunderstand you so you kept it hidden deep inside. ㅡ Hiang Dan"

This is just so me! Although I am proud to be a Primadonna (FT Island's Fandom name), but I could never simply introduce them to my friends or families unless they show interest, then I will keep blabbing about them non-stop LOL
I never knew why, but now I know. Its because they are too precious to me, I never though someone that I have never met would mean so much. They aren't my families or close friends, so I never thought I would stay loyal for so long!
I am lucky enough to be in love with the music that can touch my soul, I guess that's the main reason why I am so attached to their music!

My fist FT Island song was "Don't Love". At that time, I don't know their looks and certainly don't know who are they, but this particular song changed my thoughts towards the Korean Entertainment Industry.

사랑 하지마요 (Don't Love) - FT Island

After that, I YouTubed them, Googled them. Since then, I am addicted to them. (Yes, its quite scary indeed.)

I have grown with their music and before I knew them, I never thought of being that I-am-into-Rock girl, but they changed me. Because they are a band, I started to learn to differentiate different music instruments. The Bass has one of the hardest sound to spot in a song, cause the vocal, the drum and mainly the electric guitar's sound will be layered on top of it and no joke, I really took sometime to just spot the bass's sound.
At first, I though then why have the bass if no one could spot it easily? Well, after I can, I noticed the importance of the bass, it acts as a compliment sound supporting the drum and; its the heart of the band.
Some might be curious of how the bass sounds, this video is 4 years ago I guess, its during one of FT Island's concerts.

Lee Jae Jin (The Bassist)'s Solo Performance.

FT Island brought back my passion into music and certainly my love towards singing.
They also inspired me to take up a new language, Korean. Although I did not went to classes, but I managed to learn the language at home. I bought books and asked my friends who knew Korean to give me some tips and now, I can read, speak and write Korean. Not fluent though, but I can handle normal and easy conversations.
I have already know the basics so whenever I met those people that wanted to learn Korean, I am willing to teach them the things I knew about the language and certainly about the Korean culture as well.

If its not because of FT Island. I will still be that girl who is still confused and thinking about what my passion will be and what my dreams will be.
I am not shy to say that I am Proud of having FT Island as my idol, my guide and my inspiration. I am not shy to say that I am Proud to be a Primadonna.

If anyone out there got moved by this particular writing and is curious about their music. I am willing to share some of my favourite ones from their newest album "I Will".
Actually, their title song is "Pray", I love that song too but I personally like "To The Light" more :)

To The Light - FT Island

Composer: Lee Jae Jin (Bassist)

Lyricist: Lee Jae Jin (Bassist) & Lee Hong Ki (Lead Vocalist)

I guess it would be wrong to not share any live performances. Cause another reason why I stay with FT for so long is certainly because of their A.W.E.S.O.M.E live performances! ♥
This video is from their Replay Autumn Tour 2013 in Japan. (PS: They are more popular in Japan than Korea.)

Black Chocolate (Japanese Version) - FT Island

Composer: Lee Hong Ki (Lead Vocalist)

Lyricist: Lee Hong Ki (Lead Vocalist)

After the video, if anyone is interested in the full concert, you can click the link below ♥
FT ISLAND REPLAY AUTUMN TOUR 2013 (FULL)


Written On

14 June 2015


APA Referencing

Island, F. (2015). I Will [Recorded by F. Island]. Korea, Seoul, Cheong Dam Dong.

Saranghae, P. (2015, March 15). FT Island Comeback Schedule of Releases New Teaser Image. Retrieved from Beprimadonna: https://beprimadonna.wordpress.com/2015/03/15/ftisland-comeback-schedule-of-releases-new-teaser-image/ 

FT Island- 사랑하지마요 (Don't Love) lyrics [Eng. | Rom. | Han.]. (2011, September 20). Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViCi5MgDpF0

[Solo Stage] Lee Jae Jin 이재진- Bass performance. (2010, September 8). Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V8kQlDr044

(FT아일랜드), F. (2015, March 16). FTISLAND - To The Light M/V (2015 KOR). Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCgj_qWL7aU

FTISLAND-black chocolate. (2014, January 10). Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnQYJJNjOoI

[Vietsub + Kara] FTISLAND AUTUMN TOUR 2013 - REPLAY (FULL). (2015, March 1). Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFahUfKzsCg